The last half of the year of 2015 was filled with many ups and downs. There have been many times when I felt completely unable to control my thoughts and focus on the right thing to do--whether it be in my dealings with school or other personal, trivial matters. But let me tell you, these times were not ideal, or fun at all. These times were filled with a whole load of stresses, anxieties, and doubts. I felt like one in a million, and I wanted to give up so badly. I wanted to cave in, and just take the easy road.
This was a hard time for me. I had my life figured out and felt good about the path that I was on; but the Lord has something else, something greater, in mind for me and my life. It was only through prayer and fasting that I came to know His will was different than mine was at the time.
A few months ago I came across this quote:
"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop our of our lives." -Ezra Taft Benson
This came at a time when I was feeling especially confused and unsure of many things going on in my life. But reading this struck a chord within me--I needed to follow Him, and I needed to do it to the very best of my ability. I knew of the reality of the Lord's plan for my life. Right when I read this quote is when I realized that it needed to become a part of my life. And so, I fully turned to God. It is not enough to do the simple primary things in the gospel: reading your scriptures, saying a daily prayer, and going about life.
Putting God first in our lives means it is all Him; everything we do and say revolves around Him, and we talk to and think of Him constantly throughout our day. That is when a change happened inside of me.
I've had a simple little reminder on my phone for a few months now that says:
"Following Christ is not a casual or occasional practice but a continuous commitment and way of life." -Dallin H. Oaks
This reminder goes off on my phone at 11:30am every day. I have one other reminder that's a quote from Marvin J. Ashton, and man, I love these little reminders! Each time they go off I am reminded of their extreme importance in my life and in the lives of all of those around us.
As I tried to change my way of life and my daily habits to revolve around the Lord, it was not an easy transition for me. Figuring that I had to shape-up, I wallowed in my sad little self for a few days. We've all been there, so don't shy away from it! Sometimes we just need to cry it out or be sad for a short time. It's just important not to stay in that state--we need to be progressing and forever moving forward and upward! With that in mind, I'm going to say this straight-up... Life is hard--really hard. It is not a simple walk in the park like we all wish it could be at times. We have faults, we let people down & people let us down, unfortunate things happen to us, some periods in our life are more stressful than others, and sometimes you are dealt trials that seem to completely surpass you. I understand this concept, I've been there multiple times in my life already. I feel like the Lord is preparing me for future events in my life, which I am okay with. Sure, I'd love to have an easy life. But He knows what is best for me, and that is something that should not be argued with. I am His daughter, and He has given me life. I trust Him and know He will do what is best for me and my future.
So amidst these hard times I was going through, I had just ended a relationship, I was working two part-time jobs Monday-Saturday, I was preparing to head back up to BYU-Idaho in a couple of months, and I was feeling more exhausted than ever. The Lord had blessed me so much with these two jobs, and I was so very grateful. But it was hard to have a social life! Haha. I love having fun and hanging out with friends, so this was kind of a bummer for me. But that was the stage I was at in life--saving money, preparing for school, and gaining life-long experiences from my jobs that would tremendously benefit my future. What I was truly grateful for at this time was the fact that I had the perfect opportunity to reflect on my life and what I needed & wanted to change about it. At that time in my life, I was not where I wanted to be personally and spiritually. And so, I used that small, spare time that I had to change my ways and more fully turn myself toward God. Making the Savior the center of my life and relying wholly on Him is what blessed me over time. Everything happens in His time. OH how I wish I could've changed instantly. But life is not like that. He has better plans in store for us! And to obtain those plans, we need to struggle and search for Him. He helps us grow as we push to make that difference in our own lives.
Another quote that greatly impacted my life...
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| Phillippians 4:13 is a great scripture that goes along with this quote. |
With the Lord's help, we can do anything. I can testify of that! Each day is a struggle at times, but it is truly amazing to see the tender mercies that the Lord gives me every day. We can do hard things, but only through the Savior. He atoned for our sins, but also sacrificed His life so He could feel all that we have gone through--our pains, trials, joys, and so much more. HE knows. He loves us just how we are, and wants to help us overcome our trials and grasp the plan that our Father has in store for us. But this can only be done through Christ and His atonement. During this time, I used to atonement more than I ever had in my life. I relied on the Lord daily for comfort and strength because that is what I so desperately needed at that time. His enabling power is stronger than we could ever know, yet we are so blessed to feel of it's strength as we pray for it whenever we are in need.
Our Father in Heaven loves us so much, and He and His son, Jesus Christ, are truly there for us. As we show Them that we are willing to more fully commit ourselves to Their cause, I know that we will see a change within us. The results come one step and one day at a time--only through our Savior, Jesus Christ.
"Christ is always near, waiting and willing to help us!" -M. Russell Ballard
